dilapidated.

it was about 11am. i was desperately waiting for the roll call. it was a very stubborn day. (i think days can't be stubborn, but today was because it simple refused to end!) it was very hot. and for the first time in my life, the smell of rotting flesh and formalin combined was getting me nauseous. i was drowsy and i didn't even want to move. i was sitting, with my head resting on my hands set on the table, in the DH sideroom that looks too forlorn from the outside to be inspected by anyone from the staff. (DH means dissection hall. my love.)
i wasn't alone there. a few girls were hanging around discussing the latest from batch 06-11! a few were quietly dissolving Snell and Chaurasiya, or giving off a peculiar buzz that resembles an exorcism being performed. the rest were outside, doing the world good, chopping flesh, tearing fascia and playing with their wonderful scalpel and forceps. i could hear them. i could hear men from outside from the windowside, constructing the new Surgical Tower we are anticipating so badly. i could hear the buzz and the talk. merrily so, the clock ticked.
DH lasts from 10.30 to 12.30 and today, it felt like the longest two hours ever.
i couldn't study. i couldn't think.
all i did was stay in that room and wait, listening quietly.
i couldn't understand why i shed a few tears. it isn't normal, i never cry in public. no body found out though.
i felt very alone and very insignificant.
maybe we shouldn't be nice to anyone. falling in love is evil from a vile soul. and making sacrifices is probably a sin. Lord, i lose faith in You sometimes. when i keep wanting and wishing and praying and You don't listen. but i'm not complaining, really.
because, You see, it's me. it's just me.
you gave me one rope. i shouldn't ask for another one.
and after the attendance, when i met up with my friends who were laughing non-stop in Biochem that followed, i felt needed. almost as if i was significant. and i thank You for that.

but sometimes.
only sometimes.
ok, i'm lying now. MOST of the times!
i wish bad things didn't happen to anyone in this world.
and i want to be somebody else.
and i want to buy a time-machine and more green nailcolour.
i ran out of it.

ps. i know it was a terrible end to a piece that had such a sober start.
but i'm high now. pity, i can't even write right! =D