A promise

I can't kill myself.

Me

For some
Life ends before it starts
And they lose themselves whole
Or some part
In a very sweet but sad dream
Never to be retrieved
Again

I love you. Now. And forever.

We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too.

What if someone was stupid enough as me?
What if you had to lose what you love to actually find it... For evermore and after?
I've found it. But I've also lost it. Getting it back may take me my life.
Will it be worth it?
Yes.
Is it possible to ever fall out of love?
No.

Overdose day

Ripped myself to smithereens
And set fire to the dust
With each gust
Of wind, they flew
To a sweet land, serene
Where it felt so just
To have myself be
At peace

My world has caved in; sadness gently seeping in and filling the crevices. I'm on a plank in an ocean, drifting towards the end of nowhere. This is a horrible excuse for bullshit. I can do nothing right.

To beg for forgiveness is not a virtue these days.

With a knife I carve
Not our names on the trees
In the evergreen woods
By a lovely little brook
Where the sun shines always.
I carve off my skin
Splicing slow and gently
Head to heel
Limb to limb
On a stupid whim
To make a new me
For you.

I refuse to crawl.

I wish I had the same convenience of ease as you, with which you dust your shoes, before you breeze on, without looking back.
Empty is the jar and sober is the soul; stars don't make stardust and it doesn't rain as often as it should anymore.
Sharing turtledoves and writing notes is what stupid people do and on and on they dote like drunken goats on board a boat.

God sees all.

I could rip my heart in two sometimes
When I don't

Better be diamonds for the salt mines...

***

Y: Where will you go?
X: To the moon.
Y: You're not coming back, are you?
X: I'll try.

#2

Floating on a tidal wave :)

Sigh

Breaking to pieces tonight
The heart cries out for some form of respite
Magic kaleidoscope broken
to cracked, quiet, white

True story.

It isn't always about trying.
Sunflowers taste bitter to dogs.

Close to midnight on the night of the moon.

How is it that I drip
From red and silver in the skies
To jet black, crash landed
And handicapped

Since happiness doesn't ever come for free
Starve yourself well to climb that skinny bitch of a tree
Endure. Resist. Choose not to flee

Angels glow in the dark, always.

The apocalypse has struck

Hurt should only make you stronger
But hurt hurts.
When I anchored my heart to your skull
I'd run to you to save me the drag
And as you ran, I ran faster
You kept making it seem harder
Till I had an organ less
And a soul, hollow

I won't mind if you ate my flesh;
The bit you tore away
My love for you, my philanthropy
Has often caused more dismay
So bake it tender
After a marinade dip
I could take a bite and taste my love;
Dead. It won't make me sick

I'll turn around and walk
To the closest well or dock
(No more chain
From heart to brain
My direction, my game)
And jump
To asphyxiate me to peace.

Drunken shitty fairytale

To flick a fly off your food
Would have taken more effort
A lift of a finger, a thumb's pressure
Flex to extend and shoot. Very clever

Me, I was no fly
You'd have had to say goodbye
So you waited for winds to change
Take them hours, take them days
Left your favorite music on play
Sang a few songs and slept away
The clouds came and hurled snow
Summer died, fireflies lost their glow
Night switched to a cold in-between
Neither day it was nor was it eve
It snowed and snowed till it buried me
Your record froze and you woke to see
No victim, no grave, no heat

All was forgotten and a new sun broke
Blossoms rose to bloom and saplings woke
My flesh formed the green in the
Grass that was as everything else, soaked
In joy
That was yours
As I was no more

Quote

Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door.
Coco Chanel

I must be high.

I'm a doctor so I know
How to cannulate a peripheral vein
Or what happens to a feeble heart
Under the slightest of unnecessary strain

If you replace your blood, warm
With a metal, cold like mercury
Then face storm, pain or jeopardy
With indubitable certainty of
Your invincibility, 'tis unlikely.

You couldn't fit steel where
Ten ounces of flesh beats
To stay clear of all, that
Troubles the heart.

You could soak a rock
Paint it so red it burns
But it wouldn't breathe
To settle a lonely soul
That yearns
For love

Something beautiful I just read...

If the moon smiled, she would resemble you.
You leave the same impression
Of something beautiful, but annihilating.
Both of you are great light borrowers.
Her O-mouth grieves at the world; yours is unaffected,
And your first gift is making stone out of everything.
Sylvia Plath

#1

If I had one wish
I'd ask for this:
To be where you are
Right now

Amputate

I don't need your kindness
You scratch a chalkboard to bother

You don't need pieces of me
What I tear off is not to be clobbered